BJ Queen Status

It was a couple months since I ended my relationship with the first guy that ever broke my heart. Throughout high school I seemed to always be dating someone whether it was long term or just a fling.But this was my first real, I moved away from home to be closer to trade school but really an excuse to see you more, relationship. I secretly was always trying to stay away from my mom who at the time I did not have a great relationship with. As I licked my wounds of what I thought was my forever (knowing full well at 19 years of age you can tend to be a bit naive). And then I went out and did what I always did best, Dance.

I would go out with my girl friends and paint the town red, get black out drunk and not remember a whole heck of a lot. My body hurt to no end but i also move like no other human on that dance floor. Years of dancing it seeps into the soul. You even dance in the aisles at the grocery store and people always knw you were up for a good time.. My friend introduce me to dating apps, POF and then tinder seemed to be the best one around at the time. I was getting tired of girls night out, watching everyone get picked to dance with expect for me. This played into my narrative of never being good enough and always being picked last, so the drinking was my liquid courage to just boogie like it was 1999.

I took a whack at this thing called tinder and started to envision the type of people I might meet. Not realizing I was headed down a path of hook up culture and that any form of chivalry was dead. I wanted to feel in my power and step up my game with these men, which in hindsight were just boys.. They love their toys.. But I was determined to not be a toy but a lovely lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets.. Sex is what keeps a man coming back for more isn’t it?

I noticed I started to feel a certain way with basically letting these men use me, and felt my unworthiness rearing its ugly head.. Is it really supposed to feel this way?? I wanted to play the game but also keep my integrity intact… what was the compromise? BJs!! I had a natural sexual essence that most pointed out in highschool. The trouble was, I was known as a tease. I could write and speak the most alluring things imaginable. But when it came time to perform and do the deeds themselves, I went white as a ghost and disappeared. Ah yes the avoidance style will get you. I question to this day if I was someone who made the term ghosting come alive.

You see, as time went on I began to realize how sacred our yoni and womb space truly is. To let anyone enter is an honour, so if they are not honouring you, why would we give them a free pass? For me it was acceptance and desperately wanting people to like me. There wasn’t much authenticity there, just me out to prove my worth to people. Knowing now that you are born worthy, I was living my life pretty ass backwards. Even though I do still pride myself in giving the best BJs from doing it so often, I no longer need to perform to be seen heard and valued. If you think doing a BJ class is smashing idea, let me know. I have had this thought for awhile, but do we even know the sacred art of deep throating? Anyways.

I appreciate you reading the interesting insights of my life. My intention is you feel seen in some way, to know you are never alone. To stand together with other women and know you no longer have to feel shame and lesser than. You can put down the verbal dager you betray yourself with everyday. Quiet the mind chatter and really allow yourself to flourish and dream big! 

I am here for connection, to give yourself the space to heal and allow our men to do the same. Someone has to go first and quite honestly, women are the ones that really make the word go round. We can’t do it without our other half, our men. The ones that see what we need and not just expecting to get fucked or a jolly good BJ. First comes the authenticity, then the vulnerability and then the true and deeply connected intimacy. 

Sending my love always!! 

Your go to Sacred intimacy and holistic wellness expert

Dana E Whitfield xoxo

The E is for Eccentric ;) xoxo